Sunday, April 14, 2013

Difficult Things.

While looking into my past (aka this blog) I found the post below, still in draft form. Forgive the typos, spacing, formatting, etc. I felt it needed to be posted, as-is, for my own healing and support to own journey in life. I am still a soldier of life.

Life has been so crazy as of late. Really though, it's been an arduous process. I began a process of self discovery and change in March of 2010. As it stands now, June 21, 2011, I have experienced myriad of highs and lows. I have ridden several roller coasters the size of Mt. Everest, sometimes several in one day. I have triumphed and I have cried bitterly.




As it stands now.... well, I honestly don't know. I ache for so much. I ache for the past, present and future - including could be's, might be's, and never was.




I think about how often I wish the universe would support me more. I've been left hanging periously but I've made it through. I've been bruised and left wary but I continue on. I'm a soldier of life. I was told yesterday (by my boss no less) that I am the living dead. How appropriate... it's ironic that she will never know.




As I continue in my stupor I leave you with some beautiful words from a young writer in CA. I realize that what I post below some might not understand or relate to at all. But, I (as a girl who reads), can feel these words in my very soul. I realize the difficulties of my lfie are because I recognize characters for what they really are, I can sense when the scene will end, I know when the air will leave a room. I know and sense it all... but it really doesn't make it any easier.



http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/


On my mind...


"You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love."

  Callie Torres, The Heart of the Matter’ 



I haven't blogged in years. I am a different person and yet the same. This is on my mind today. So deeply happy and yet, so deeply distraught. Logic doesn't figure into this picture so I can't describe it to you, my invisible audience.